I’m sorry for the long silence. I really have no excuse, now that I’m unemployed. I just didn’t know what to write about.
I know most people in the world look forward to that day when they will no longer have to earn a living, and can live quietly in retirement, doing those things they always wanted to do. It is nice to not have to rush off to a job every morning – especially on those mornings when I’m not feeling well. But my days are long and slow, and it can actually get a little boring. If I could only walk and get out of the house easily! Of course, if I could walk and get out of the house easily, I probably wouldn’t now be unemployed. Catch-22.
I’m enjoying my meals, though. I’d almost forgotten how to do that. I used to always eat breakfast and lunch in rush, hunched over my computer, going through emails or to-do lists or tasks or what-have-you. Now, meals have become a big part of my day. I anticipate them. Stopping whatever I’m doing. Sitting down. Maybe reading or watching something online while I eat. A big pause.
The other thing I’m having to get used to is not multi-tasking. I’m very good at doing many things at once. But if I do that now, I run out of things to do by noon. So now I do one thing at a time, and I focus on it. Intently. Which can drive me crazy, but I’m learning to appreciate it.
I have another scan coming up next week. Two months since the last one, and we’ll try to gauge how things are progressing. The tumor marker from my latest labs was up again a little, which is very distressing. But it’s still within the normal range, so (as a friend frequently reminds me) no need to pick out the funeral flowers just yet.
And I think . . . I think . . . that walking is starting to get a little easier. I’m spending more time every day on one crutch, and it’s not hurting. I am starting to feel optimistic about this. Maybe I really will walk again one day.
