Back at it . . .

Sorry I haven’t posted anything for a long time. I started back to work mid-April, and had to jump straight into membership drive mode (which we just wrapped up yesterday!).

And so to celebrate a successful drive, I am doing chemo today. I was worried about doing chemo in the middle of the drive (I normally do it on Thursdays), and my doctor was okay pushing it a couple days to Saturday.

Chris is with me today – he’s being pretty awesome. Chemo is getting harder and harder to come in and do. Maybe it was easier during radiation because I didn’t have to go home with a pump. Maybe it was easier because treatment was my full-time job, and now I’m back to my “normal” life and don’t want to interrupt it for more rounds of chemo. Whatever the reason, I’ve been having a hard time staying positive during these last couple rounds. Anyway – Chris is being super cheerful for me today. We decided to say that we were “going for a picnic” as our code-word for chemo, just to make it sound more fun. It’s funny how those little things help. Pretending. That our lives don’t actually revolve around the hospital.

Gah – I’m starting to tear up and that’s worrying Chris. Gotta stop.

I’m walking without a cane now. That’s pretty exciting. Even long walks I don’t take one with me. I still have a pretty bad limp, though, and that can be hard to work around. It makes walking really difficult. I feel like no matter how much improvement I make, walking never gets any easier. It’s always a struggle. But I’m going to call the orthopedist and see about what we can do to get my hip realigned. I’m not yet willing to live with this. There’s gotta be something we can do!

In the meantime – just keep moving.

More rounds coming

When I woke up this morning, I was sure hoping that today would be my last round of chemo for awhile. But my doctor wants me to keep going with this every two weeks schedule. So I’m really feeling a little bummed.

The good news is that my last round will be July 1st, and then I’ll get a month off of everything – infusion, pills – everything, for our wedding and honeymoon. That can’t come soon enough for me. Sadly, I have three more rounds of chemo between now and then. And I’ll have to start up again in August.

I just need a moment to feel sick. And to feel tired of feeling sick.

Today went MUCH better than last time, though! They gave me more meds to head off the chemo side effects, and I really just slept through the bad part. I still feel crappy. It always makes me feel crappy. But I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did after the last round. And Chris is being very sweet tonight and letting me watch a dumb movie and feeding me soup. I love him so much. And not just because he is very sweet to me when I’m feeling bad.

Getting married is a pretty bright spot in all of this. I’m really glad we’re doing  it.

Bobblehead’s Stream of Consciousness

Bobblehead feels great this morning. Got lots of sleep last night. Mmmmm . . . coffee. Oh . . . one of my nurses is getting married this year too. Hawaii? 100 people!?!?! Wow. Bobblehead is glad her wedding is very small and local. Okay, time to hook Bobblehead up to the IV. She will show her mother more about Facebook while Judy does that. They lost Bobblehead’s chart again? Are they trying to set a record? Oh phew. Found it. Yeah, let’s take the anti-nausea medication again – Bobblehead got a little sicky in her tummy last time. Hi, Dr. Yoshe. Bobblehead’s white blood cells are almost too low to do chemo today? She’s going to have to come back on Saturday for a bone marrow stimulation shot? Does that hurt??? Oh – only a little. Well, that’s good. Hmmm . . . Bobblehead has to go to the bathroom. Trip one. Hey, let’s watch last night’s The Daily Show! Jon Stewart’s so funny, he always makes me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . what was that? Yes, Bobblehead is starting to get a little woozy and tired. We can play cards. Do you want to deal the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . Bobblehead has to go to the bathroom again. Trip two. Infusion should only take five hours today? That’s . . . oh, what’s the word Bobblehead is searching for? She still speaks English, right? Does Bobblehead need anything, Nurse Judy? Yes, she . . . no, she can’t remember. She feels like she could zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  . . . what was that? Bobblehead’s not tired. It’s just that her head starts to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . no, let’s play some cards zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . um . . . Bobblehead thinks that she should maybe take a nap. But, ugh, must get up and go to the bathroom. Trip three. Hmmm . . . walking just got tricky. Just reach out and balance on the walls, maybe, while Mom pushes the IV stand. Okay now, maybe she can keep her balance to wash her hands if she leans against the wall at the same time. Could you zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz what? Ma mouth is . . . ma ton has topped wuhking. Ma ton-guh has topped worrrking. Ah cahn’t spek anymore. Ah het this. Zzzzzzzzzzzz - hi home infusion nurse. More paperwork? Bobblehead can’t even remember her name. Can you just zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sign it for her? Time to go home? Oh good. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

More Fun for Bobblehead

Bobblehead went back into chemotherapy yesterday!

She started off the day by waiting an hour for her appointment with a nurse practicioner. By the time the nurse came, there were only five minutes left to get upstairs and check-in for chemo. But fortunately, she had an hour and a quarter wait up there, so all the worry came to naught.

Bobblehead took advantage of her chemo time to do physical therapy exercises in the hall. It entertained her nurses to see her marching up and down while her mother pushed the IV stand along-side. Nothing like a little drip-time for getting those important things done.

Of course, Bobblehead spent lots of time in the bathroom yesterday, as she often does on chemo day when she’s receiving all those fluids. Her nurse eventually got worried about her, and Bobblehead considered using a different bathroom so she wouldn’t have to keep walking by her nurse’s desk. Sometimes it can get a little awkward.

Bobblehead’s bobblehead kicked in pretty hard yesterday. By the time the home infusion nurse came to plug in Bobblehead’s chemo pump, she could barely keep her eyes open! Luckily, there was only a half-hour of paperwork to do before she could go home. Bobblehead woke up today hoping she signed in all the right places.

Bobblehead got home from the hospital around 5:45pm yesterday, and had crawled into bed by 6pm. She woke up at 4am, and wanted to talk to her fiancee about their days. Not every fiancee would be so understanding about that, but he certainly is, and muttered replies to her questions before falling back asleep.

Now Bobblehead has to carry around her infusion pump till about 4pm on Saturday. She’s looking forward to getting detached, because then she has another 11-day break till the next round. Those 11 days seem pretty sweet to her right now.

Bobblehead

Chemo head is back. From now on I’m going to refer to myself as Bobblehead, because that’s what I feel like.

THE ADVENTURES OF BOBBLEHEAD

Bobblehead enjoyed a very tasty croissant from Grand Central Bakery today. So much so that she bought and enjoyed a second one.

Bobblehead and her mother had to run home between appointments to pick up the very important anti-nausea medication. Bobblehead was embarrassed she forgot it.

Bobblehead enjoyed spending the whole day at the hospital with her mother. It was a long day, though. They got there at 10am for radiation, had a doctor’s appt at 11:45, and were supposed to start infusion at 1:30pm. But you know how that goes. They didn’t get their bed assignment till 2pm, and it was after 3pm that Bobblehead’s nurse actually started the infusion drip. They didn’t leave till 6pm! Loooong day. There was much playing of gin.

The nurse combined hydration with chemo today, so Bobblehead had to keep getting up to go to the bathroom because she was receiving so much fluid. It was made more difficult by the fact that she had multiple IV’s hanging off of her. But she was able to walk down the hall without her cane, to the amazement of all.

Bobblehead feels a little fuzzy now, and could pretty easily sit in a stupor on the couch for the rest of the evening. But . . . sigh . . . she has to go to the bathroom again. Bobblehead is hoping her adventures don’t require so much time in the bathroom tomorrow.

But just at this moment Bobblehead is listening to some pretty mellow music and feeling very content.

Taking a Time Out

So this morning we met with the doctor who’s been causing all of the stomach troubles to see what he had to say for himself.  The plan is to give Aubrey a break from most of the chemotherapy for a few days until her body has a chance to recover.  Then we’ll start everything up again, but with slightly smaller doses.  We’re not out of the woods yet, but hopefully she won’t get this sick again!

We started talking about life after radiation this morning. The recommendation for now is to continue intensive chemotherapy treatments through May and then reevaluate.  We walked out of the room feeling a touch overwhelmed.  Seems like every time you survive three months of torture, you’re told there’s another three more to go.  But suppose that’s one of the reasons nobody likes to catch cancer. –Chris

The Shakes

After starting to feel a little bit better on Friday, I got hit hard with the chemo shakes on Saturday. I just made that phrase up, but it describes perfectly how I’ve been feeling. I shivered my way through the day, doubled over from an upset stomach. I’m writing this Sunday at noon while laying in bed with my laptop on my lap, trying to feel good enough to choke down a few saltines.

Chris and I had a lovely time on Vashon, fortunately, and I didn’t start to get really sick till we were on the ferry headed home. Poor Chris has been pacing around, worried about me and trying to get me to eat and wanting to help me feel better but not knowing what to do. I wish I had some ideas. I want to feel better, too!

I napped all afternoon after getting home from Vashon yesterday, then we actually went out and met up with some friends at a bar. I know, I know!  Maybe not the smartest move I’ve ever made, but I was being optimistic that I really was feeling better. Instead of the beer and chocolates everyone else was enjoying, I stuck to a lemonade and green salad.

But last night was rough, I’m feeling pretty weak today, and I still have an upset stomach. I get tomorrow off from the chemo pills because of Presidents’ Day, thank goodness. Give my body one more day to get a little stronger. 

I knew that chemo would be hard, but this has been the first week that I’ve really felt what it was doing to my body. If I keep reacting this way, they may have to back off even more from the chemo. I kind of hope it happens sooner rather than later, because the toxicity will continue to build up and make me sicker and sicker. Blech. I am definitely tired of feeling like this.

Good news, though! I have an end-date for all of this! March 9th is currently my last day of radiation. Just under a month to go. It’s possible they may add one or two more days on, but it’s nice to finally know when I should be finished.

Fun With Side Effects

Ugh. The side effects are really starting to kick in. I laid on the couch yesterday afternoon just moaning, and dashing to the bathroom every 10 minutes. I’m having to kick it up a notch from Imodium, ‘cuz that’s just not strong enough anymore.

It’s frustrating, because this leaves me feeling very weak and lethargic again. I had to sit down and rest right after my shower again today – something I haven’t had to do in several weeks. I knew that the side effects would get worse with time, but I’m really hoping that this can get under control fairly easily, because I still have a month of this treatment regimen left.

I take three chemo pills in the morning, and two at night. I’ve started having a hard time swallowing them. They’ll just sit on the tip of my tongue, because I know how they’re about to make me feel, and it’s hard to deliberately poison yourself that way. I really look forward to the weekends, when I get a break from the pills. But this is still better than carrying the infusion bag around for two days!

Another Chemo Day

Another chemo day under my belt, and I feel woozy and drunken (without the fun of actually drinking).

My bff, Sada, came up yesterday and spent the day ferrying me around, then cooked for me and stayed the night because Chris is gone in San Francisco right now on business. It was so nice to have a girls’ slumber party! Kind of felt like high school again, except we are older now and went to bed at 11pm. 

And mom spent today with me again. It was a long day. I did labs at 9am, and then we wandered from appointment to appointment, ending with chemo and finally leaving at about 4:30pm. And now my mind is behaving like a two-year-old and I’m having a hard time thinking of coherent sentences . . . or anything interesting besides eating and going to bed.

I’m going to take my own advice.

New Sweater

Mom just finished knitting me this beautiful sweater (Liz – she says she’s back to working on yours again). Kept me warmer at chemo today than any other time I’ve been.

Favorite New Chemo Sweater